Surprise... Butt Sex?

This is my actual horoscope via Twitter for today...

(I wish I was making this up)...


"Sexy Venus is flirting with Uranus in your sign today, tempting you to say yes before you even know where you're going.


You may be seeing green lights, but keep in mind that things could change instantaneously if you don't stay aware of everything that's happening around you. Avoid any unpleasant surprises by focusing on the present moment throughout the entire day, instead of always thinking about what's next."


Listen Twitter...

A. Exit only.

B. Maybe YOU should focus less on my sex life and more on the fact that "ParanormalBlacktivity" is actually a trending topic at the moment.


Green light my ass... Wait, no.

Ahead Of My Time?

This weekend my parents gutted the attic and in doing that, I was reintroduced to boxes and boxes and boxes of my childhood. The GIANT bin of books didn't surprise me, I've always been a huge nerd. However, I guess I never realized how long I really have been into the paranormal.

I give you... the first paranormal investigation team ever formed by Haley Haunted:



The G.H.G.P., or Ghost Hunters/Ghost Patrol (yes we even had an acronym) was started in 1993 and had seven active members. The picture above is the cover of our logbook which contains member information, logged activity, investigation notes, investigative methodologies (surprisingly scientific), and legitimate research on theorized historical spirits, demonic names and characteristics and our town history of deaths and tragedies. I was incredibly thorough. And I was seven years old.

The majority of the rest of the bin was filled with books about hauntings, UFO's, ESP, myths and legends, and OBE's. All between 1991-1994 (ages six to nine).







First of all... who lets their first grader pick up a book like that, but more importantly what little kid would want to study the possibilities of psychic phenomenon?

I guess I was just born to study the paranormal. No turning back now, I'm screwed.

SnakeEater (1989)

One of my favorite YouTube videos of the moment is "Eat Like Snake", a supposed Burger King Commercial from Japan. My boyfriend introduced me to the odd and surprisingly racist spoof and a few hours after seeing it, while looking for my next movie to review, the title "SnakeEater" immediately caught my eye. As soon as I read the info on it, I was sold. I don't know that it's considered a horror movie, but it is absolutely necessary that I review it. Watch this trailer and you'll understand:




The movie SnakeEater made its assumably sell-out debut in 1989. I'm not even going to bother with actor names, but will say that the "supporting" actors were reused as different characters often throughout the movie so do watch for that. I'm not really sure why they felt the need to recycle these actors as they are TERRIBLE. While watching the opening scene, I actually reconsidered my movie choice, not knowing if I would make it through. Thank God I waited it out. Not only did this movie feature cheesy catchphrases, feathered hair, and a Harley Sportster made into a jetski, it had more masturbation references than I knew what to do with.

The plot of the movie goes something like this: "Soldier" is an ex-marine that was part of a special ops group called the "SnakeEaters". However, Soldier was too much of a rebel to stick to government protocol and spent the opening scene as an undercover cop on a drug bust.



You'll want to pay attention to this scene as it will feature the only bra in the entire movie.



The drug bust turns into kind of a weird sex scene. Maybe I'm being overly romantic, but being in an abandoned, grimy warehouse with a man about to sell me some crack is not exactly on my list of sexual fantasies. I will give them credit for this gem of a line though:

"What do you think I'm going to hide a wire in my underwear?"
"Honey it looks like you got the whole radio in there."

I think this may have been an illusion though as his underwear looked to be the same make and model as hers.



Ooh la la.

Thankfully they didn't show any down and dirty details, but the sneak peaks they did show made me want to take a shower.

But it's a good thing Soldier rigged the entire area with booby traps both Data and Macaulay Culkin would be envious of because low and behold... the sex was a trap (it always is fellas) and two very handsome characters bust in to steal the drug money!!!

Blah blah...

Ok so cut to a girl in a bikini sunning herself on the front of a boat. In the dark. On a boat that can only be described as a motorhome that floats. And it's floating down a river that just may be the same location filmed on "Swamp Loggers". Exactly where you'd take your family on vacation to right? Ugh.

Suddenly, the boat is overtaken by a wild gang of my ex-boyfriends



who steal the girl and take her back to their shack where they lock her in a shed to be reproduced with later. This really upsets the bandits' sister who is used to being the only hen in their henhouse. The boat scene is also the first (but far from the last) appearance of an unnecessary hard hat.

Now, I'm not sure if this is an extremely overlooked mistake in the movie, but sitting right behind the hillbilly shack is an enormous colonial style house. It's fairly obvious in multiple scenes. I would think that having neighbors would prohibit a kidnapping and later multiple homocides. I found other mistakes throughout the movie too, like someone drinking from a ketchup bottle that was very obviously filled with water, and various sound effects for no actions. I think maybe the editors of the movie saw the errors, thought back to the quality of the movie and just said, "ah, screw it".

Anyway, it turns out that the girl that is kidnapped is Soldier's sister. When he gets word of his family's attack, he sets out to find out who is responsible. Somehwere around this part in the movie is where you meet my favorite character, "King", the local marina owner.



King is my favorite because he is always drinking from a brown paper bag and used the word "fart" twice in one scene. He also comes crashing through the boat house on his harley and flies directly into the river.

Ol' Boy King is who we have to thank for the Harley Jetski...



When King presents this horrible defacing of a great Harley to Soldier, he warns that "You'll thank me later". The foreshadowing of this line kept me in suspense until the bitter end. Actually, I think the director forgot to follow through on this line as the only benefit I saw was that 70 miles of river goes by awfully fast when you're on a Harley jetski.

Now it wouldn't be the 80's without a slow motion shot of a woman running through the water in a white shirt, and this movie did not disappoint. I'm just glad that despite running from a band of hillbillies, participating in hand-to-hand combat, being hung from a sleeping bag cocoon, and bathing in a river, she managed to keep her slip-on flats firmly on her feet.

I absolutely LOVED the last scene where Soldier returns to his job as an undercover cop. In fact, I really enjoyed the whole movie. Despite my heckling, I would own this movie. And if there were a SnakeEater shirt like the one Soldier wears available, I would absolutely rock it with pride.

I gave this movie a 23 for the amount of teeth I think the entire cast put together has and for using the phrase "diddling his fiddle".



Unfortunately, there were only two references to a snake which throroughly disappointed me. And for that I give you... "Eat Like Snake"...

Demonic Hangovers

Yesterday I had a dream that a woman was holding a crucifix to my stomach and attempting to expel a demon (which I could very much feel).

When I awoke it all made sense to me. The demon she was expelling was in fact real. It was a demon of overindulgence and its name is Captain Morgan.



Happy New Year Ghosties.

Inception Indigestion.

So before I dropped off the face of the Earth (in the blogging world anyway), I had read about the movie "Inception" in some sort of nerdzine. For anyone that knows me or follows my facebook or twitter, you may know about my RIDICULOUS dreams. So when I heard about the premise for this movie, I instantly marked it's release on my calendar. And now, five months after it hit theaters, I have finally seen Inception. So here we go...



So to start off, Leonardo... yum. But don't roll your eyes fellas, as the cast was also joined by Marion Cotillard (a popular choice in many horror movies and an absolute babe) and the one and only Juno. The rest of the cast was also highly recognizable, but I don't feel like naming them.

The movie was good.


...Initially, that was going to be my entire review. That it was good.

It's just that it's so damn long. And not only is it long, but there's like 93 different lines and layers of plot going on at the same time, which really gave me the time to have an internal argument of whether I loved or hated the movie. An argument that may remain unresolved. I have decided to agree to disagree with myself.

Due to the complexity of the movie itself, I have decided to express my feelings toward it by comparing it to this diagram of radio waves that I drew. And by "I drew", I mean that I stole from google images:



In looking at this diagram, I feel that the top wave (the black "signal" line) represents my attention span throughout the movie. In the moments when the line is the highest, I was on the edge of my seat and ready to declare this in my top ten. When the line declined, I downloaded three different novels to my nook and purchased a new domain name.

The red line (the "AM" line) represents my ability/inability to understand what the hell was going on. But let's be honest, this line doesn't vary much from my understanding line of "Lady and the Tramp".

And the third line, represents the volume that I had to keep the movie at to understand the dialogue while avoiding blowing my eardrums out.

I was a little disappointed that no images from my own dreams were present, although I can't really say I'm surprised. I don't think zombies that can only be killed by dish detergent is a common theme in the dream world.

I did recognize one theme though, that is probably very popular in the dreams of many of my fellow bloggers. The guys anyway.

Layer three of inception...



looked remarkably similar to a certain video game my boyfriend has become obsessed with as of late.



Just sayin.


I give this movie a three. For the amount of confusing layers, the amount of times I debated the fast forward button, and the amount of times I'll have to see the movie before I understand it.

For anyone that enjoyed this movie or is interested in Dream themed topics, check out the book "Dream Science" by Thomas Palmer. It's one of my favorite books, is hard to find, and will make your brain explode.

"Contact" with Jodie Foster

So last night I watched the movie Contact (1997).



Oh where do I start...

So the movie stars Jodie Foster, an astromer researching intelligent life on other planets. Using satellite dishes, she searches for radio signals in space. Everyone thinks she's out of her melon, until she finally gets a signal back.

01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110110 01101001 01110010 01100111 01101001 01101110

Alright, that's not at all the signal she gets, hers was more of a THUMP THUMP THUMP, but if you can translate that binary code, you deserve what it says.

I was very excited to see that the co-star of the movie was Matthew Mcconaughey and that he was rocking a borderline mullet. I was not excited about the love story, unnecessarily intertwined throughout the plot. Come on, I'm a chick and even I was annoyed with it. Why do movies do that? And not only that, but the star of the movie is Jodie Foster. Witnessing Jodie Foster being intimate with another person really made me consider celibacy.

In her defense however, I learned through this movie that she does in fact possess the ability to look female.



After a brief screen appearance from Hitler, chaos ensues and the fanatics set up camp around the satellites. Enter creepy, albino, religious fanatic from Utah (because where else would he be from?):



Turns out, for being such a man of God, the guy's a real dick.

And now the task of dicphering the mathematical message that they receive from outer space. Luckily for them, Mr. Hadden saves the day. Despite Mr. Hadden's generosity in "Ellie"'s work, if I were her I would definitely look into a restraining order and possible stalking charges. Just sayin.

And another thing I didn't understand is if he's so smart, you would think he would know that the "Six Flags Guy" look is not flattering.





(I had planned to do a side by side of the two so you could see how much he really does look like him, but apparently the guy that decodes the message and saves the whole story isn't important enough to have a screen shot of him on google images. Guess you'll just have to watch the movie).

It all came together though, when I realized that the space travel machine that E.T. instructed them to make looked a lot like a carnival ride.



More flags, more fun!!

(I drew that picture myself)

At some point during the movie I wrote the Aurora blog and so I missed about ten minutes of plot, but let's be honest, I wouldn't have understood it anyway.

And then it happened. After a few scenes of science fiction genius... just as I was about to mark Contact in my top ten... it happened. An epic display of terrible plot twist. I will say that the movie did somewhat redeem itself as it went on, but I never did fully recover from my disappointment.

I have to say that even though I disapproved of the ending, I really liked this movie a lot. I like any movie that combines science and religion and defends alternative sciences. There is a great scene where Ellie is defending her research to a panel of snobby investors who call her work crazy and useless. She comes back at them that almost every major discovery in history was at one time thought a crazy idea. Although I am no expert in the field of paranormal studies, I have found myself defending the field many times to professors, scientists, even religious people, and pointing out to them that at one time everyone swore the Earth was flat.

Another thing I liked about the movie was their discussions of faith. Specifically, faith without proof. A quote that I liked was "Did you love your father? Prove it."

There were some undertones of cheese, but it was bearable. Ooh, but bad green screen alert for sure. It also took me the entire movie to realize that one of the main characters is blind. And the ending left me wondering..

Who's Carl?

I would have to give this movie three and a half stars. Three and a half stars connected by a wormhole of death and disfigurement.

Northern Lights

According to my local news, tonight was one of those rare nights when the "Northern Lights" would be visible from my backyard.

Northern Lights (or auroras) are natural light displays in the sky which can be seen (in different shades, degrees, and intensities) all over the world and even on other planets.

For fellow nerds out there, click here to read more about the causes and different effects of Northern Lights.

This is a time lapse video of Northern Lights in Canada in 2006.



Unfortunately for me, it was very cloudy in NH tonight, so this is what I saw:



And so I have given up and am now watching "Contact" and preparing for nightmares. Of Jodi Foster's career. I mean. Of aliens.

Earthly Expansions- going beyond the paranormal

If you enjoy reading this ridiculous blog of nonsense, feel free to check out my new blog about non-paranormal topics. I named it "Ham and Eggs". I don't really know what that means, but it sounded kinda sweet.

The first few posts may look oddly familiar because, well because I'm lazy. Plus in school they taught me to Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.


www.haleyhauntedhamandeggs.blogspot.com

Coocoo for Kaku

Today it was so hot out that I stepped out of the shower and my hair was instantly dry. I decided at that point that I wasn't leaving the house. It takes a real nerd to skip school to stay home and watch educational television, but that's pretty much what I did.

Lately I've been dabbling with quantum mechanics/physics and the theories of multi dimensions and parallel universes.

I have an audio recording of a lecture by Chuck Missler on alien encounters that I started on my way home from work last night. After 15 minutes of trying to grasp the notion of what a fifth dimension would look like, let alone trying to understand where the additional five after that would fit in, I was left completely confused but intensely fascinated. Missler tries to illustrate an object that is a step beyond a 3-D object (which we are more familiar with), by making reference to a "hypercube".

After a quick google image search, this is what I found for a visual of a hypercube.



Basically a box within a box. I get it, but didn't have the easiest time really applying it to our universe.

Lucky for me, while cruising through Comcast On Demand, I found a show called "Sci Fi Science"



Unluckily for me, anyone that spends a 90 degree day watching a show like this is destined to become a spinster with 15 cats. But regardless.

"Sci Fi Science" is hosted by Dr. Michio Kaku



Dr. Kaku (who's name is WAY too close to the word kaka for me not to make reference to), is a "theoretical physicist". Theoretical. How friggen cool is that? I have since decided to change my current job title to theoretical drug store cashier. "If I were going to ring you out, it would look like this. But I'm not." Unfortunately, I think my paycheck would be theoretical. Then again, that's not much different than... anyway.

Kaku's episode on parallel universes and how to travel between them, had a much simpler breakdown for my beginner mind.

I found that he has also written a book on the subject, if anyone is interested in following down my same path of the cat lady lifestyle.



Kaku describes the universe as bubbles. Our universe makes up one bubble. And all around us (in other dimensions?) are other bubbles that were created by the same "big bang" that created us.



If the same particles came together in the same way during the big bang that we did, you would have to guess that there would be solar systems out there with the exact same constructs as ours. That would mean same suns, earths, chemical make-up, laws of physics, and assumably living things. The interesting part to consider is would other earth-like planets be exactly the same as ours? Is there another Haley out there (scary thought)?



Or would humans in other universes make different choices than we have in our history, creating a completely different world?



Without traveling to these other universes, we would never know. And that's where the difficulty comes. Traveling to a parallel universe would be ultimately impossible. Or would it? Kaku believes that this notion may not be as impossible as it seems and constructs an actual scientific plan to make the voyage a reality.

If you're interested in hearing that plan, you'll have to check out the show for yourself. Not because I found a new career in advertising, but because there's no way in hell I'd be able to explain it. It's worth an hour of your time anyway. I'm pretty sure it would give even the mildest of Trekkie's a hard-on.



If you are interested in parallel universes and want to learn more, there is a plethora of information out there. I found website after website explaining all the different theories and explanations. If I come across anymore that strike my interest, I'll be sure to post them. As for today, if my brain tries to absorb any more information, it's going to burst.

Close Encounters of the Non-Fiction Kind

I just finished reading Whitley Strieber's, "Communion", which made the #1 spot on the New York Times Bestseller's List (in 19 something...).



This was my first encounter with a book of the alien kind and it scared the hell out of me. That is, before establishing my "no reading of alien books before 8:00pm" rule.

The story follows Strieber in his discoveries of being "visited" by unknown beings throughout most of his life. The story takes you through his initial realizations, doubts, denial, psychological evaluations, hynosis, confirmation, theories, and mild acceptance.

Although I did find it a little convenient that such extraordinary events would happen to an already established horror writer, the book was very good. Although not grammatically or structurally breathtaking, Strieber's theories were extremely thought-provoking and encouraged me to do a little more research of my own.

One parallel he drew that I found particularly interesting was between our myths and perceptions of "aliens" in comparison to those of ancient Gods. He repeatedly compares his encounter with one being in particular to that of "Ishtar", a Babylonian Goddess of "fertility, love, war, and sex" (Wikipedia).



Although the book does tend to jump around a lot and can be redundant in places, I think it is very honest and real. As I read the sometimes scattered thought patterns, I felt all the more inside the author's head, and that I was struggling along with him to understand the happenings. There were also quite a few references to other books on the subject which I am now considering picking up as well.

This is a great book to pop your UFO cherry, if you haven't yet dived into the subject. Although extreme and invasive, Strieber also gives a comforting side to the encounters, which I am greatful for considering my extreme fear on the subject to begin with.

I give this book a scaley, tentacle-covered, alien thumbs up.




I also give an enthusiastic thumbs up to this picture, which I found while searching for a picture of the cover of this book...




I would also like to point out that after criticizing the book's "grammatical integrity", I reviewed my post to find that I had no idea how to even spell the word. Oh well, that's why I'm not an author.

PART II- Beyond Reality Events: Mt. Washington Hotel 2010

After a pretty late night of partying, we came back and actually switched rooms from the tower we were in into the tower on the other side of the hotel. Our second suite was much more spacious (which is good because we were cramming three of us into it).

This was our living room, which may look familiar if you checked out my post of last year's event:



During one of the investigation nights, Amanda and I were putting in a movie when the door to the t.v. on the left hand side decided to swing itself open and then continue to knock a few times before finally stopping. We both just stopped talking, looked at eachother and then continued with our conversation. It's very easy to forget when you're working at events that the place you're staying in is haunted. This proved to be especially annoying later on that night.

Ashleigh and I shared this monstrosity of a bed and around three in the morning, the entire bed started shaking (keep reading sickos...). I asked her if she was shaking her foot, which she answered no to and I could see from looking over at her. A few minutes later, the shaking got much worse and it sounded and felt like someone was standing at her feet jumping up and down. I also kept hearing tapping noises against the t.v. and her bedside table, but couldn't see anything really happening. Ashleigh of course, slept through the whole thing. When she got up in the morning, her water bottle (which had been on the table next to her) was oddly on the floor and when I told Amanda about it later that day, she said that she had heard all of it and thought that Ashleigh and I were having some sort of dance party. Someone was, but it wasn't us.



This picture has no paranormal story in it, but is just a sweet jacuzzi tub. We planned to have a jacuzzi party in our bathing suits with rubber duckies and snorkels but it never worked out. Next time.



Our private balcony overlooking awesomeness.

The days were filled with the normal hustle and bustle of lectures, booths, and t-shirt selling.
















Britt's REALLY tall in person.


The gorgeous and extremely talented Raven Quinn.




Books by Jeff Belanger.


Mike Brody's merch.


Tara Normal!


Shelly's photography.

Every year I plan to get a caricature done by Howie, so this year I finally sucked it up and did it.



However, I decided that while Howie was drawing me, I would draw him...



I think I was fairly accurate.

Let's be honest, he has some pretty stiff competition...


But in all seriousness... how amazing is Howie?
www.taranormal.com

Here's the one he did for Ash...



Gotta love the fingerless gloves.





These are some tarot cards that Scotty was selling.

I decided with that many tarot cards just hanging around, I might as well do some free readings...




"This is you jerking off 'the man'. Not a man, but 'THE man'. I also see you buying Haley a lot of drinks in the future."



"Oh, that means something about balance in your life!" -Kate
"Ummm... excuse me. I am the tarot master here. John, this means in five years you will have your balls cut off with a sword."





At first, I was very turned off by this booth, but after talking to one of the hypnotists I was hooked. I will definitely be paying a visit to their shop in Madison.








Bob Murch's Ouija collection.














I JUST realized her sign says "extra-large medium". At the end of John's reading she handed him something and said it was in case he wanted a second opinion. It was a fortune cookie.





Zombie repellant.



I think my bottle was broken...


These are the bags we packed as gifts for some of the attendees. The entire room was a sea of bags.

Not too sure what's going on here...



...but I like it.

More tarot readings.



Shots?

Nope. Water. Gotta respect the presentation though.

And then the unexpected happened...





This is pretty compelling evidence people... Check out the K2 meter!!

Ashleigh and Howie fighting over who likes me more (so embarassing...).



I made Amy PRETTY!!

Another delivery by Amanda...



I'm pretty jealous of this, I'm not going to lie.

Then it was time for the auction/fundraiser dinner.









Even I made a donation...


After the dinner, it was time for investigations of the hotel. Amanda and I had the night off so we stayed in and had a bathrobe/lady gaga sunglass party.



Yeah, again with the duckface...


The next day Ashleigh and Amanda went for a walk behind the property and got some awesome shots.








THE END.